Michael Brown presents it in his book The Presence Process,that all emotions are essentially "energy in motion." They are not good or bad. They are just energy.
Marta Brzosko speaks about emotional self-care...
Once you recognized and hopefully accepted how you are emotionally, there are two ways to go about it. You either try to alter you emotional state, or you don't.
In the first case, you recognize your feelings and then decide to try to change them to your liking. For example, you might notice feeling "lonely" or "sad", but you don't want to sit with this feeling. So you decide to change your circumstances in order to impact the way you feel. You look for friends' company, go watch a movie, eat a brownie, and so on.
In the second case, you give unconditional attention to your feelings, without any attempt to alter them. This is what Michael Brown and many other practitioners recommend, as a more productive behaviour in the long run.
By being fully aware of your emotions in the present moment and detaching from their mental interpretations (such as: "It is my partner's fault that I feel angry, because he didn't do what he had promised"), you gradually can get to the root of your feeling. This means that you integrate it as a valid part of your experience-not better or worse from anything else in your life. Eventually, you no longer seek some feelings over others and you are able to accept them all as... energy in motion.
My choices as to which way to go with my emotional self-care differ from day to day. Sometimes, I sit with my sadness and meditate on it, and then another time I distract myself by eating, watching videos or going out. But however I choose to act, I try to make sure that I first acknowledge and give respect to the feeling that arised. It is a valid part of my experience-just like the fact that I have brown hair or that I was born in Poland.
Names of feelings are just words, and the resonance is what is most important. However, many people report that it is easier for them to acknowledge how they feel if they can name it. If you think this approach might work for you, you can check out this list of names for feelings.
[Marta Brosko is a mindfulness writer, who believes that taking care of yourself is the first step in taking care of the whole.]
We perceive emotion as various physical resonances in our bodies—butterflies in the stomach, waves of heat or tingling in our palms. Additionally, we have come up with standardised names for these resonances–such as anger, anxiety, euphoria or fear. We ended up classifying some feelings as "desired" and other "unwanted". However, in the end, they can all be brought down to a sensation that we experience, and this sensation on its own cannot be a "right" or "wrong" way to feel.
There are two basic ways of approaching emotional self-care. What lies at the core of both of them, however, is recognizing the validity of your emotional state. You undeniably benefit from accepting how you are feeling right now, because this is something that is already happening anyway. Any attempt to hide what you feel from yourself can only bring additional tension.
It is of course easier to accept some feelings over others. We usually don't have a problem embracing the resonance of peace, excitement, happiness, love or gratitude. But we need to make a conscious effort to welcome sadness, anger, anxiety, impatience or regret.
Megan is a senior Communication major from Chicago, IL. Watch the video below and analyse how she was abel to achive self-care.
In the video, Megan talks about A Self-Care Revolution, the idea of taking care of yourself is turned on its head. She argues that self-care should be seen as an act of revolution, not an act of selfishness. Revolution is defined as a fundamental change in power. She argues that the ways we take care of and discover ourselves are key to taking power over our sense of "self" away from others, away from institutions, and claiming power for and within ourselves. In discussing specific ways to help us understand the idea of "self-care as revolutionary," she covers three main practices in self-care: self-talk, rituals, and optimism and look at the ways we can implement self-care into our education systems.
Manage stress
Make attempts to manage and reduce stress in your life. Sources of stress might include having a lot to do with work, school, or taking care of someone else. Identify what you have control over, which is usually just your reaction to the stress.1 Practicing relaxation techniques will increase energy, motivation, and productivity.
How to?
Some simple techniques to reduce stress include:
- Using imagery by finding a quiet spot, closing your eyes, and using all your senses to imagine a deeply relaxing and peaceful scene. Imagine a space that's meaningful and calming for you.
- Trying progressive muscle relaxation, where you alternatively tense and relax the muscles throughout your body.
- Practicing deep breathing.
- Trying tai-chi or yoga.
- Keeping a journal.
- Taking a hot bath or shower.
Surround yourself with supportive people
Spend time with friends, family, and others who make you feel good about yourself. Choose people who respect your needs and boundaries.
How to?
Spend time with people who are considerate, reliable, and supportive of your goals. Avoid people who drain you, belittle you, or stress you out.2
Make time for fun
It's important to make time for fun and leisure, especially when you're stressed. Remember to engage in a variety of things for fun and involve other people.
How to?
Try one of these ideas:
- Have a date night once a week with your spouse or with your friends.3
- Re-read a favorite book.
- Watch a favorite movie.
- Find a hobby to enjoy.
- Listen to peaceful music.
- Buy an adult coloring book.
Consider counseling
Know when you're feeling overwhelmed and don't be afraid to seek professional help. Needing to talk to somebody doesn't make you broken, it makes you human. Put effort into finding somebody you can trust and connect with. If you're not able to form a relationship with your therapist, the arrangement won't be beneficial.
Why?
Counseling is beneficial to self-care because it: 4
- Gives you a safe place to talk and process.
- Helps you deal better with daily stressors and worries.
- Allows you to get an objective opinion.
- Encourages you to live a better life.
Give yourself affirmations
Encourage and validate yourself by saying something affirming to yourself. Pick a phrase or saying that's positive, personal, powerful, and precise.
How to?
Some examples you can try saying to yourself:
- "I can do this."
- "I believe in myself."
- "I love and accept myself."
- "I am doing my best."
- "This too shall pass."
Next Step...
[Extra Activity: 20 Emotional Self-Care Ideas & Activities]
Spending time with people who make you feel good about yourself licensed under PD
1 Family Caregiver Alliance. (2003). Taking Care of YOU: Self-Care for Family Caregivers. Retrieved from Family Caregiver Alliance: https://www.caregiver.org/taking-care-you-self-care-family-caregivers
2 University at Buffalo. (2019). Developing Your Support System. Retrieved from University at Buffalo: https://socialwork.buffalo.edu/resources/self-care-starter-kit/additional-self-care-resources/developing-your-support-system.html
3 LaneKids . (2016, June 13). Ways to Practice Self-Care as a Parent. Retrieved from LaneKids : https://www.lanekids.org//self-care-for-parents/
4 Schemmer, J. (2016, March 30). Five common myths about counseling. Retrieved from High School Insider: https://highschool.latimes.com/hs-insider/five-common-myths-about-counseling/